A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.
‘Comfy?’asks the dentist.
‘Govan,’ she replies.

A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: ‘How much for the set of antlers?’
‘Two hundred quid,’ says the bloke behind the counter.
‘That’s affa dear,’ says the guy.

A Scotsman in London is having trouble phoning his sister from a telephone box.
So he calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice:
‘Is there money in the box?’
‘Naw, it’s just me,’ he replies.

While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her husband: ‘
Do you think I’m getting a wee bit pigeon chested?’
And he says: ‘Aye, but that’s why I love you like a doo.’

What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy?
Hawkeye The Noo.